“Yes, ma’am.  Now what about Obama?”

“Sure, send his boney ass in here.”

Obama strolled into the Oval Office.  He walked around the room, familiarizing himself with he trappings of his old office, but he stayed away from the busts of the ex-great presidents.

“Welcome, Mr. Obama.  Thank you for accepting my invitation,” she said sarcastically.

“There wasn’t an option,” Obama argued.

“I didn’t think you’d respond otherwise.”

“You are right about that.  I have a bad taste in my mouth from our interactions during the primaries.”

“You have a bad taste in your mouth from sucking up to all the super delegates.”

“How dare you–,” he began.

Hilary erupted.  “How dare I?  You guided this country down a path of ruin and you’re questioning me?”

“I have no intension of standing here and listening to you berate and badger me.  I have meetings to attend and the ceremonial opening of my memorial library.”

Barack turned to leave the room.

“You try to leave this office and I change your program…from living to dead.”

Startled, Barack tuned his head but his feet still moved him to the door.

Hilary pressed a button under the desk.

Two Secret Service men entered the Oval Office.

One said, “Yes, Madam President?”

“If Mr. Obama attempts to leave this office before I give my okay, you will use all means at your deposal to restrain him and bring him back in.  Is that clear?”

“Yes, ma’am,” the agent said.

“That will be all, gentlemen.”

Hilary waited for the men to leave the office before addressing Obama.

“Now, sit down, Barack,” Hilary ordered.  “We’re going to have a little talk.”

The ex-president, with flushed face, took a seat.  He found himself in the unusual and unenviable place of being questioned and ordered about.

“Very well, Helen, why don’t you get off your chest what’s bugging you?” Obama asked.

“Still with the womanizing, sexual harassment and exploitation.”

“What?  What did I…?”

“You were speaking about my chest, Obama.”

“I was only…”

“I know, Obama.  I was baiting you.”

“Oh, I…”

“You can consider this your impeachment trial, Obama.  And at the end of our discussions, I will decide whether to turn over all my evidence to the Senate Judiciary Committee.”

“You wouldn’t–.”

“You have a lot to answer for Obama.  So, let’s begin, shall we?”

“My presidency was one of the most open and transparent and honest in history,” Obama insisted.

“Your lies and exaggerations and obscurations may have convinced the American people, but not a body of legislators who are just itching for a chance to bring your crimes to light.”

“How dare you–.”

“How dare I?” Hilary retaliated.  “How dare you!

“Let talk about your Africa trip.”

“A good will gesture to our forefathers.”

“Your forefathers, Barack, people who want to kill Christians and make America a Shia state.”

“Oh, Helen.  You are such an exaggerator.”

“You appointed your daughters as special envoys to Africa so you could take them along at taxpayer expense instead of taking the money out of your own pocket, you cheap, weaseling bastard.”

“That was perfectly legal.”

“We’re not talking about legal, Barack.  We’re taking about ethics, of which you have none.”

“That is–.”

“How much did that trip cost the American people?”

“I wouldn’t know-.”

“No, you wouldn’t because you don’t give a damn because, besides taking your whole impetigo infested family, you had a retinue of a hundred people.”

“They were integral to the trip: people to document the trip, chronicle the events for posterity.”

“Nobody gives a shit whether you’re alive or dead.  So why should the country pay millions to have remembrances of someone they’re trying so hard to forget?”

“They love me, Helen, as opposed to loathing you,” Obama retorted.

“They all wanted to be politically correct.  But deep down they know you‘re a weak-kneed, ass-kissing, two-faced, gay man who desperately needs medication to his keep bio-polarity and bi-sexuality under control.”

“You’re full of compliments, aren’t you, Helen?”

“Be that as it may, your paranoid schizophrenic self required an aircraft carrier, amphibious ships, a complete hospital ship, military cargo planes to airlift fifty-six support vehicles including fourteen limousines and three trucks loaded with sheets of bullet proof glass to cover the windows of the hotels you stayed at.  Then fighter jets flying in shifts to give twenty-four hour coverage of your air space.

“Does that sound about right?” Hilary asked.

“I leave those details to the Secret Service.  They’re the experts at security.”

“Other presidents have made due with a tenth of the preparations you went to.  And everyone in Washington knows you’re a hypochondriac.  Who else would have had a whole hospital ship follow you to Africa.”

“They were–.”

“They were a crew of twelve hundred doctors, technicians and orderlies normally reserved for battles involving full divisions of soldiers, not some one hundred and forty pound pot-smoker.

“So, given all those facts, I’ll ask you again…how much did that trip cost?”

“I really have no idea.”

“It was a rhetorical question, Obama.  Either you don’t know because you don’t care or you do know and don’t give a damn.  It was eighty million dollars.”

“It’s called diplomacy, Helen.  Something you severely lack,” Obama argued.

“What I lack is your impudence, arrogance and Alzheimer’s addle memory,” Hilaryspat.

“I will not–.”

“How about your Hawaii trip?”

“I wouldn’t–.”

“Want to say?  Then I will.  It was sixteen million dollars.”

“I don’t think–.”

“No, you never did think of the millions of Americans who work two jobs and don’t have enough to eat while you piss away more money than any president before you.  Now, how about during the G-8 conference in Belfast?”

“Official business.”

“Your spendthrift bitch wife booked thirty rooms at the 5-Star hotel and she stayed in the fifteen hundred squire foot suite for thirty-five hundred a night.”

“I’d like to–.”

“Shut up!  You’re here to listen.  Then when all the evidence is in, I’m certain you will want to slit your wrists, saving this country a very expensive, very public trial.”

“I would like to say something,” Obama insisted.

“No!” Hilary yelled.  “You had your chance when you were in office.  Now, you stand accused of creating ISIS.  How do you plead?”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“Did you appoint Nuri-al-Maliki as President of Iraq?”

“Yes, but how does that–.”

“And he was a Shia?”

“Yes, well, he was–.”

“A religious fanatic who was paranoid about Sunnis taking over his government.  Sunni and Kurdish politicians who served, and served well, under the former prime minister were targeted for arrest by his security forces.

“He promised to include those people in his cabinet and in the military but he purged them all, disenfranchised them, and took away their jobs, their rights, their weapons.  Those people had no choice but to organize and fight back.  That organization became ISIS.”

“But that’s–.”

“I will slap the shit out of you if you lie to me, Barack,” Hilary said, rising from her seat.

Obama cringed, putting his hands in front of him.

“Al-Qaeda was almost decimated by the combined Sunni and Shia militia.  That is until Maliki took over,” she said.  “You knew Maliki was a paranoid man.  He saw every Sunni as an assassin.”

“That’s what politics is all about, you know,” Obama sniggered.  “No one knows that better than you, Helen.  Remember how many times you mentioned ‘Right Wing Conspirators’ going after you and Will?”

“Don’t lecture me you unrepentant Muslim.”

“I have never–.”

“Never been a true American, never been a straight man, never pledge allegiance to the flag.”

“I honor the country in my own way,” Obama sniggered.

“All your appointments were an effort to turn America in a Muslim nation guided by Sharia law.”

“I will not–.”

“Yes, you will.  Tell me how you could increase military spending to ward off the threats of Russia and China and North Korea when those countries pose no threat to America.”

“In case you’re not aware of the facts, Russia attacked rebels who we are supporting in Syria, China is building air bases on the Sprately Islands, and North Korea is building missiles that can send a nuclear war head to America,” Obama said, proud of his elucidation of the facts.

“Didn’t Russia come to you first with a deal to support American actions in Syria for the lifting of sanctions?”


“And China is not interested in any conquests.  Their one and only aim is to feed their people and improve economic conditions.”


“And North Korea hasn’t miniaturized a warhead capable of being carried on a rocket and three-quarters of their missiles misfire.”

“Yes, but–.”

“Don’t you think that sounds just like Gene Rush when he said Saddam could attack America with nuclear weapons?”

“I don’t–.”

“In fact, it’s the exact same play book.”

“Yes, well those things could change in the future,” Obama argued.

“While our bridges crumble, dams break, lead pipes poison our children, people go uneducated, men and women live out on the street and even people who work two jobs can’t affords to feed, clothe and house their families.”

“Yes, I can relate to those people.  I could barely get by on my measly four hundred thousand dollar salary.  If it weren’t for my eight million dollar book advance and Noble Prize money I’d have to sell one of my four homes,” Obama rationalized.

“Don’t play the ‘Woe-is-me’ game with me, Barack.  It’s time to move on to more serious crimes.”

“As in…?”

“You ordered the bombing of Doctors Without Borders hospitals because some of the people they were treating were Al-Qaeda.  You do remember the Hippocratic oath: ‘Doctors have an invaluable obligation to all fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm and that they will not ask their beliefs or intentions and that they will not discriminate based on race, religion or political beliefs.”

“It was an accident,” Obama said softly, hoping that it might fly under the radar.

“Really?” Hilary asked, taking a sheet out of the file on her desk.  “This is a report from NATO forces on the ground.”  She waved it at Obama, trying to get him to take it but he backed away in his chair like he was Dracula and the page a mirror.

“The hospital was repeatedly hit both at the front and the rear and extensively destroyed, even though they had provided all the coordinates and all the right information to all the parties in the conflict.  The extensive, precise destruction of the hospital doesn’t indicate a mistake.  It was repeatedly hit by an attack, in which the American Lockheed AC-130 gunship repeatedly bombed the hospital, lasted for over an hour despite calls to Afghan, US and NATO forces to stop it.’

“As the commander-in-chief, you are guilty of war crimes.  You do not, and never did value life and will lie constantly to defend and justify your policy and agenda.”

“You can’t call the former President of the United States a war criminal.”

“I just did.  And I can call a reporter from the Washington Post in here and our conversation will be on the front page of the paper tomorrow morning.  Would you prefer that?”

”No,” Obama said meekly.

“Then let’s move on to the Ukraine.  You backed a coup de etad, displacing a democratically elected leader with a megalomaniac who practiced ethnic cleansing.  A thief and a liar who put all his friends in key positions so they could drain the country of the little funds it had left.  Poroschenko then proceeded to bomb civilians in the east with weapons you supplied to a mass murderer; until Russia stepped in to stop the slaughter.  Putin used the minimum force possible to defend innocent people, yet you labeled Putin the aggressor.

“And then you had the temerity to allow your vice president’s son to be made the managing partner of the largest energy company in the country.  Now you would not consider that to be a conflict of interest, would you?”

“No, well, I, it’s–.”

“Shut your rancid mouth.”

“I won’t stand for this!” Obama said.

Hilary dismissed his complaint and continued.  “Now, let’s move on to ‘Fast and Furious,’ shall we.”

“You need to talk to my attorney general about that.  He’s the one who–.”

“Who took orders from you.  That program transferred weapons to an enemy of America: the Mexican Drug Cartels in order to press the case for gun control and gut the second amendment to the constitution.  The DEA smuggled thousands of weapons and millions of rounds of ammo to Mexican drug cartels.  Over three thousand people were killed in Mexico as a result.  The intent of the program was to document that ninety percent of the guns used in the cartel wars in Mexico were bought in U.S. gun stores and smuggled across the border.”

“I plead the 5th amendment.  I reserve the right not to incriminate myself,” Obama insisted.

“You fool.  This isn’t a trial by judge and jury.”

“I was told by my Attorney General to say that in answer to every question put to me.”

“Well, you’re attorney general is going to appear here as soon as I am done with you.  And I’ll bet he’ll roll over on you so fast you’ll think you were at a NASCAR event.”

“He’d never incriminate me!”

“When I started my investigation of you, I had people crawl off their death beds to come in and present their stories about how you worked to destroy the pillars of our government and society.  How you furthered your own personal ambitions at the expense of the constitution and destroyed the careers of dedicated Americans who you felt were in the way of implementing your programs.”

“Well, I don’t think I’d use the term ‘destroy.’  That’s a little harsh.”

“What you meant to say is that ninety percent of the American weapons you recovered were used in the drug wars.  That is not the same thing as ninety percent of all weapons in the drug wars come from America.”

“I think that’s semantics, Helen,” Obama scoffed.

“Really?” Hilary mocked.  “Drug cartels primarily purchase, and much prefer, fully automatic weapons such as the Kalashnikov AK-47 and its variants, over all US-made and US-imported semiautomatic weapons.

“In our country, only semi-automatics are available on the retail market.  The cost and logistics of converting semi-auto weapons to fully auto is prohibitive in any quantity, particularly for Mexican drug cartels.  When the cartels are unable to steal weapons in high enough quantity to arm themselves, they readily purchase automatic weapons on the black market at a fraction of the cost of retail US semi-automatics.”

“Guns scare me.  I abhor violence.”

“Is that why you carried around a ‘kill list’ during your years in this office?  So you could separate yourself from the act, go through intermediaries, keep your hands clean?” Hilary suggested.

“I did manage to kill Osama bin-Laden,” Obama boasted.

“You didn’t kill anyone, you bastard.  You gave commands to real men who risked their lives to carry out your orders.”

“Some men are privates, others generals.  Someone has to give the orders so underlings can carry them out.”

“You are neither

“I’ve had enough,” Obama said, getting up.

“You’d better sit the hell down and listen carefully.  I was talking about the black market for guns.  Viktor Bout, known by the DEA and worldwide as ‘the merchant of death’, a former Soviet air force officer, consistently sold fully automatic AK-47 Kalashnikovs – delivery anywhere in the world included – for fifty-five dollars.  US retail gun dealers sell the same weapon, manufactured to semi-automatic US-spec, for five hundred to one thousand dollars.”

“I don’t have to buy guns.  The Secret Service provides me with whatever gun I choose,” Obama said.

“No, I’m sure you chose the biggest one to make for the size of your arms,” Hilarysaid.  “You deliberately fabricated the deception that US retail sources supply the Mexican cartel guns has given rise to the media’s non-existent ‘iron river’ and ‘gun show loophole’ fallacies.  The wholly manufactured narrative has been widely published in the mainstream media as if it were a fact.  All orchestrated by your administration, a rational to overturn the second amendment.”

“I didn’t do that,” Obama insisted.  “It was my attorney general.  He’s the one to blame.”

“Passing the buck, Obama?”

“No, I swear to Allah…to God, I am innocent.”

“You ordered the U.S. Department of Justice to pressure banks to refuse service to gun stores in a program called ‘Operation Choke Point.’”

“I like the name.  Why didn’t I think of that?”

“How about I choke that chicken neck of yours?”

Obama began getting up from his chair.  “I will not—“

Hilary reached under the desk to press the buzzer.

Obama sat back down.

“Wise decision.  Now, how did you have the balls to assure the American people that yours would be the most transparent administration ever, then go on to sequester more documents than any president in history and go after more whistle blowers than all pervious presidents combined?”

“They were going to expose my homosexuality.  They have pictures and tapes.”

“The whole world already knows that.”

“Well, that’s cruel.”

“You made secret promises to corporations and bankers and the military industrial complex, and–.“

“How would you know?” Obama insisted.

“How would I know?” Hilary repeated.  “I was there with you when we met Captains of the New World Order.  You sold your soul to those people.  During your administration you locked people up, had them tortured and placed in solitary confinement for the rest of their lives because they uncovered war crimes.  You never closed GITMO.  And you authorized the CIA, FBI and IRS to threaten and intimated people who didn’t toe the line regarding your sordid agenda.”

“Those people were a threat to national security!” Obama insisted.

“No, you’re the threat: an inexperienced, weak-kneed, spineless jelly fish.  Those people were a threat to you by exposing your illicit, illegal, conspiratorial actions.  You were protecting yourself from being charged with the war crimes you gutless bastard.”

“Those programs have never been tied to me,”

“No, Mr. President, you had underlings like Attorney Derrick Hosteller take the blame.”

“That follows a long tradition of presidents who passed the buck,” Obama sniggered.

“You authorized a shipment of guns to the Syrian opposition.  But virtually all of the rebels in Syria have pledged allegiance to the Islamic State.  The Free Syrian Army only really exists in hotel lobbies and the minds of Western diplomats.”

“I would not draw the same conclusion as you.  In fact–.”

“Screw your ‘in fact.’  You illegally targeted conservative groups for additional review of their tax status applications.  Organizations with the phrases ‘tea party’ or ‘patriot’ in their names were singled out for harassment, requiring them to provide information about their family members and a list of donors.”

“Your husband did the same thing,” Obama insisted.

“That’s true, but he’s not the one on trial here; you are “

“I think I want an attorney.”

“You are an attorney, you moron.”

“An attorney who has himself as a client is a fool.”

“Finally, we are in agreement.”

“Does that mean you won’t–.”

“Forget that.  As I was saying, in your first four years as president, your IRS commissioner made one hundred and fifty-seven visits to the White House.  By comparison, during the four years of Rush’s tenure, he met with his IRS once.”

“The commissioner was a Lakers fan.  We used to watch the games in this office.  That’s the only connection; I swear.”

“You secretly obtained phone records from Associated Press journalists in what the news agency called a massive and unprecedented intrusion into how those news organizations gather the news.  Obtaining phone records requires approval from the attorney general, who you bypassed.”

“My chief of staff went around my back and–.”

“You violated the Constitution when you launched military operations in Libya without Congressional approval.”

“I was on vacation when–.”

“You had four U.S. citizens killed without judicial process.”

“I was on the golf course that day.  I remember because I shot a seventy-four.”

“You fired your inspector general for discovering that a friend of yours had embezzled government funds.”

“How could you possib–?”

“You lied about the cost of your healthcare plan.  You said you would not sign a plan that adds one dime to our deficits – either now or in the future.  However, not long after you signed it, the Washington Post reported it would add over three hundred and forty billion dollars to the budget deficit over the next decade.”

“By my calculations…,” Obama began.

“The hell with your calculations.  You gave tax dollars to campaign contributors and lobbyists, and falsely claimed the money was for ‘green energy.’  You gave five hundred and thirty-five million to green-energy company Solyndra, claiming that it would create four thousand new jobs, but the company quickly went bankrupt.  It was later revealed the company’s executives had made substantial donations to your campaign and that Solyndra executives had had many meetings with White House officials.

“You auctioned off ambassadorship to the Netherlands for a half-million dollar donation to your 2012 campaign.

“You ordered the TSA to do more invasive pat-downs on young children which would otherwise constitute child molestation.”

“I never–.”

“You demanded that individuals and companies pay for records via the Freedom of Information Act.”

“You’re going too fast for me.”

“The Washington Post said your selective enforcement of the law is the first sign of tyranny.  A government empowered to determine arbitrarily who may operate outside the rule of law invariably embraces favoritism as friends, allies and those with the best-funded lobbyists are rewarded.  Favoritism inevitably leads to corruption, and corruption invites extortion.  Ultimately, the rule of law ceases to exist in any recognizable form, and what is left is tyranny.”

“Don’t quote the constitution to me, Helen.  I taught constitutional law.”

“That may be true, but you used your knowledge to circumvent the constitution, not follow it.”

“And if you had known the Post was going to report that, you would have had their offices raided and employees detained indefinitely in your secret prisons all over the world.”

“I wouldn’t go that fall, Helen.”

“You signed a bill providing armed guards for yourself and your wife for the rest of your lives, but voted against citizens keeping guns in their own homes to protect themselves and their families.

“You approved giving twenty F-16 fighter jets to a Sharia dictatorship.”

“They promised me the planes would only be used for crop dusting.”

“Your health care program encouraged employers to switch their employees from full time to part time.  The largest workers’ unions said you health care plan would destroy the foundation of the forty hour work week that is the backbone of the American middle class.  The law creates an incentive for employers to keep employees’ hours below thirty hours a week.

“You asked contractors to disclose their political donations before bidding on federal jobs.

“You falsely labeled a reporter as a co-conspirator in a criminal investigation.  In doing so, you moved beyond protecting government secrets to threatening fundamental freedoms of the press to gather news.

“That was a flagrant assault on civil liberties, worse than anything done by Gene Rush’s administration.

“You asked your attorney general to investigate himself for lying under oath when he said he had nothing to do with monitoring the emails of the reporter, even though his own signature on the search warrant.

“You refused to fire or prosecute more than one thousand IRS employees who illegally used their IRS credit cards for their own personal use.

“You illegally forced twenty-two hundred privately owned auto dealerships to close, which destroyed one hundred and twenty thousand jobs.

“You threatened internet service providers with contempt of court if they did not install surveillance software to monitor internet traffic without a warrant, a clear violation of the Fourth Amendment.

“Now on to what might be your most disgusting exploit: you’re incestuous, perverted, anal relationship with the Banksters.  You ran for president as a man of the people, standing up to Wall Street as the global economy melted down in that fateful fall of 2008.  You proposed a tax plan to soak the rich, reversing NAFTA for hurting the middle class and you tore into Jon Kain for supporting a bankruptcy bill that sided with wealthy bankers at the expense of hardworking Americans.”

“Yes, and I am very proud of–.”

“All those promises inspired voters who pushed you to your historic win with the sense that a genuine outsider was finally breaking into an exclusive club, that walls were being torn down, that things were, for lack of a better or more specific term, changing.  Then you got elected.”

“Ah, yes.  I remember the moment when it all sank in,” Obama said with a laugh.

“I don’t think you’ll still be laughing after we get through here.  What took place after you won the presidency turned out to be one of the most dramatic political about-faces in our history.  You were elected in the midst of a crushing economic crisis brought on by a decade of orgiastic deregulation and unchecked greed. You had a clear mandate to rein in Wall Street and remake the entire structure of the American economy.  What you did instead was ship even your most marginally progressive campaign advisers off to various bureaucratic Siberias, while packing key economic positions in your White House with the very people who caused the crisis in the first place.  This new team of bubble-fattened ex-bankers and laissez-faire intellectuals then proceeded to sell us all out, instituting a massive, trickle-up bailout and systematically gutting regulatory reform from the inside.

“The reforms you proposed bordered on insanity, threatening to vastly amplify Wall Street’s political power by institutionalizing the taxpayer’s role as a welfare provider for the financial-services industry.  Your top economic advisers demanded the power to award future bailouts without even going to Congress for approval – and without providing taxpayers a single dime in equity on the deals.”

“I was relying on the advice of–.”

“Megalomaniacal sociopaths, men for whom greed and avarice was only a starting point.  People poised to take rapaciousness to new levels never seen before.”

“I wouldn’t put it that–.”

‘You began your gutting of the constitution and the banking laws just moments after the election…actually even before you were sworn into office because Gene Rush was already on the golf course.”

“I didn’t cause the meltdown you know,” Obama insisted.

“No, you just guaranteed the next one, you slithering, slimly weasel.”

“I would not–.”

“You were still just the president-elect when it happened, but the revolting and inexcusable three hundred and six billion bailout that Citigroup received was the first major act of your presidency.

“I did?  I don’t recall–.”

“Let’s talk about Bob Rubin, the former co-chairman of Goldman Sachs, who brought in his son, Jamie Rubin who was still earning roughly fifteen million a year working for Citigroup, which was in the midst of a collapse brought on in part because Rubin had pushed the bank to invest heavily in mortgage-backed CDOs and other risky instruments.

“Three weeks after the election you had Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, a former head of Goldman Sachs, and New York Fed chief Timothy Geithner, who served under Bob Rubin, running your economic team.”

“Oh, Helen, you don’t need to–.”

“Oh, but I do, Obama.  I promised the American people I would compile all the evidence against you, then reiterate it over and over again on TV, in magazines and newspapers until you couldn’t stand to hear it anymore and took your own life.”

“I won’t stand for–.”

“So on November 23rd a deal was announced in which the government would bail out Rubin’s messes at Citigroup with a massive buffet of taxpayer-funded cash and guarantees.  It was a terrible deal for the government, almost universally panned by all serious economists, an outrage to anyone who pays taxes.  Under the deal, the bank got twenty billion in cash, on top of the twenty-five billion it had already received just weeks before.

“But that was just the appetizer.  You also agreed to charge taxpayers for up to two hundred and seventy-seven billion in losses on troubled Citi assets, many of them those toxic CDOs that Rubin had pushed Citi to invest in.  No Citi executives were replaced, and few restrictions were placed on their compensation.  It was the sweetheart deal of the century, putting generations of working-stiff taxpayers on the hook to pay off Bob Rubin’s fuck-up-rich tenure at Citi.

“Former labor secretary Robert Reich declared the bailout a disgrace; an affront to the intelligence of the American public and a slap in the face to their faith in their government.”

“That was one man’s opinion of–.”

“You appointed Timothy Geithner as Treasury Secretary before the ink was even dry on a massive government giveaway to Citigroup that Geithner himself was instrumental in delivering.  In the annals of brazen political swindles, that one has to go in the all-time anal shafts

“Wall Street loved the Citi bailout and the Geithner nomination so much that the Dow immediately posted its biggest two-day jump since 1987, rising twelve percent.  Citi shares jumped fifty-three percent in a single day, and JP Morgan Chase, Merrill Lynch and Morgan Stanley soared more than twenty percent, as Wall Street embraced the news that the government’s bailout generosity would not die with Gene Rush and Hank Paulson.

“Geithner assured a smooth transition between the Rush administration and you, because he was already co-managing what was happening.”

“I’m not feeling well,” Obama said.  “Can I go?”

“You can go to hell…after we’re done here.”

“Muslims don’t believe in hell.”

“Your buddy Bob Rubin was an unapologetic arch-capitalist demagogue whose very career is proof that a free-market meritocracy is a myth.  Much like Alan Greenspan – a staggeringly incompetent economic forecaster who was worshipped by four decades of politicians because he once dated Barbara Walters – Rubin has been held in awe by the American political elite for nearly twenty years despite having fucked up virtually every project he ever got his hands on.  He went from running Goldman Sachs, to the White House, to Citigroup, leaving behind a trail of historic miss-calls that somehow boosted his stature every step of the way.

“He was the driving force behind two monstrous deregulatory actions that were primary causes of the financial crisis: the repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act passed specifically to legalize the Citigroup mega-merger, and the deregulation of the derivatives market.  Rubin blamed Citi’s board for his screw-ups and complained that he had been underpaid to boot.  Didn’t he say, ‘I bet there’s not a single year where I couldn’t have gone somewhere else and made more.’

”I don’t recall–.”

“I will slap the shit out of you if you lie to me.”

“You don’t have to–.”

“Despite being perhaps more responsible for the 2008 crash than any other single living person – his colossally stupid decisions at both the highest levels of government and the management of a private financial superpower make him unique – Rubin was the man you chose to build your White House around.

“And how about the piece of legislation you slipped through when you thought nobody was listening or watching?”

“Oh?  I’m not sure–.”

“The one that will automatically bail out the banks without congressional approval.  The one that allows for a bailout without even the transfer of assets to the government.”

“Hum.  I don’t recall that.  Are we done with the banking now, Helen?”

“No we’re not!” she screamed, driving Obama back in his seat.

Obama jumped up.

Hilary reached for the button to buzz the secret Service.

Obama sat back down.

“Just after you were elected you said you’d fix NAFTA’s short-comings.  A few months later you quietly quashed any talk of renegotiating the trade deal saying you relied on the work of Diana Farrell, a protégée of Rubin who authored a paper in which she argued that sending American jobs overseas might be beneficial to the U.S.

“Taken together, the rash of appointments with ties to Bob Rubin may have represented the most sweeping influence by a single Wall Street insider in the history of government.

“Rather than having a team of rivals, you had a team of Rubins.  The point is that an economic team made up exclusively of callous millionaire-assholes has absolutely zero interest in reforming the gamed system that made them rich in the first place.”

“I’ll have you know I championed economic reform!” Obama insisted.

“Yes, and then you gutted it so that as much as ninety percent of all derivatives remained unregulated.

“Instead of reining in Wall Street, you allowed yourself to be seduced by it, leaving even your campaign adviser, to say you are a moral hazard.  Your once closest advisors said you had conspired with the devil and that further crises – even greater crises – would occur.”

“Oh, Helen, you are one to use hyperbolae.”

“You pulled a bait-and-switch on the country.  I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised considering you are a man whose sexual proclivities rule his days and his imagination consumes his nights.  A nocturnal animal who allows his physical needs to direct every decision.  Maybe it’s the country’s fault, for thinking you were different.  But the only way you’re different is the depth of your arrogance.”

“Are we done here?  I’ve got an appointment for a pedicure and you know how testy those Asians can get if you’re late.  And I think your gun must be out of ammo by now.  Am I right, Helen?”

“Not quite, Obama.  You are a rug-rat Muslim, a jihadist.  A former FBI special agent said, ‘What we’re seeing not just inside the White House – but inside the government entities, the national security entities, the state department – is a strong push by the Muslim Brotherhood and President Barack to get their people not just into operational positions but policy positions – deeper, long-term bureaucratic positions.’

“A respected Egyptian magazine asserted that six highly placed Muslim Brotherhood infiltrators within your administration had transformed the U.S. from a position hostile to Islamic groups and organizations in the world to the largest and most important supporters of the Muslim Brotherhood.  All six appointments were made by you.”

“I delegate authority.  My hands are clean.”

“Your hands are covered with the blood of Christians killed by your Muslim brothers.  Under orders from you, the state department collaborated with the Organization of Islamic Cooperation, a group supported by the Muslim Brotherhood, seeking to restrict American free-speech rights in deference to Sharia proscriptions.”

“I think Shari law is far more advanced and progressive than our antiquated laws.”

“You transferred one point five billion to aid Egypt after the Muslim Brotherhood took over the government.  You also transferred millions of dollars in aid to the Palestinian territories ruled by Hamas.”

“What was that amount again?”

“Did your Homeland Security secretary swear in Mohamed Elibiary as a member of her agency, a man who fervently endorses the teachings of Egyptian writer, Sayyid Qutb, who is widely considered the father of modern Islamic terrorist revolution?”

“I was not aware of that,” Obama sniggered.

“You instructed your national security advisor to purge any material deemed offensive by Muslim groups.

“You encouraged moderate elements of the jihad terrorist group, Hezbollah to participate in governmental decisions, but did not explain where such elements could be found, how they would be identified or what separated them from Hezbollah extremists.

“You said, ‘I do not see the struggle against al Qaeda as a fight against jihadists.  And that the bombing of mosques, schools, and hospitals is not the work of Jihadists, for jihad is a holy struggle, an effort to purify for a legitimate purpose’.”

“Islam does not attack and kill innocent people,” Barack argued.

“Islamists, Jihadists justify terrorist actions by contending that non-Muslims cannot be considered innocent since they worship another God, so Islam’s prohibition on killing the innocent does not apply to them.”

The response startled Barack.

“It seems you did not expect anyone in the West has read the Qur’an, Mr. Ex-President.”

“You surprise me,” Barack admitted.

“And under your instructions, did the army instruct soldiers in pre-deployment briefings that evangelical Christians and members of the tea party were a threat to the nation and that any soldier donating to those groups would be subjected to punishment under the uniform Code of Military Justice?”

“I’d have to check my notes.”

“Did the military, under instructions from the White House provide an extensive list of domestic hate groups that did not include any Islamic groups?”

“That sounds–.”

“Do you agree with the statement that for those who oppose Allah and His Messenger their punishment is by fire?  The only refuge for the disbelievers is hell.  Kill polytheists until they convert to Islam.  Kill them wherever you find them, sit and wait in ambush.’”

“The Qur’an says not to begin hostilities,” Barack argued.

“However, anyone who does not believe in Islam has already committed the gravest of sins and is therefore an enemy of Allah and has already begun the battle and is fit to be killed.  Is that not so?”

“You are not qualified to interpret the Holy Qur’an,” Barack insisted.

“Your interpretation is a total distortion of the facts.  That is in fact the basis for the entire Qur’an.  For Islamists, the Qur’an is not immutable.  To quote from your most revered scholar, Ibriham Abdullah Adbul, ‘We do not abrogate a verse or cause it to be forgotten except that we bring forth one better than it.’

“In a speech at the Greater St. Paul Mosque, did Ahmed Jezzel, a man you appointed to the state department, said, ‘We are not Americans.  We are Muslims.  The U.S. is going to deport us; attack us.  It is us vs. them.  Truth vs. falsehood.  The colonizers and masters against the oppressed and we will burn down the master’s house.’”

“I did not–.”

“Hold that thought, Obama.  We’re moving on.  After the attack on the offices of Charlie Hebdo in Paris France, you said the following: ‘The fact that this was an attack on journalists, attack on our free press, also underscores the degree to which these terrorists fear freedom – of speech and freedom of the press.’”

“Yes, I was very proud of–.”

“Shut your face.”

“How dare you–.”

“How dare I?  Aren’t you the president who went after more whistleblowers than all other U.S. Presidents combined?  This from a man who sent the IRS and Justice Department after reporters who refused to give up their sources.  This from a person who put such pressure on newspapers and TV stations to not run stories which depict government crimes, illegal programs and systemic spying on every protest group in the country.

“The march in Paris was to show a untied front in the face of radial Islam and violent Jihad.  First, there is no radical Islam or violent Jihad.  There is only Islam and Jihad.  All Islam and all jihad is a path and a religion that has as their fundamental roots the conquering of all non Muslim countries, the killing of all Christians, Jews, and non-believers, the installation of Sharia law in the world, and the establishment of a universal Caliphate.

“You were the only head of state from a major country to not attend that march,” Hilarysaid.

“Yes, I had some important business to attend to.”

“Oh, is a round of golf considered government business now?”

“Ha.  That’s very good Helen.”

“You didn’t attend the march because it was your little rag head brothers who did the killing.  You certainly would have marched for them if they had been caught and marched through the streets as prisoners.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far–.”

“Others might not realize it, but you’re not the first Black president,” Hilary assured.

“How can you say that?”

“That’s because you’re the first Muslim president.  And you would never show support against your true brothers.  Allah forbids believers from being friendly with the infidels except when the infidels are above them in authority or numbers.  There is no such thing as radical Islam; all Islam is radical.  There is no mainstream sect of Islam or school of Islamic jurisprudence that does not teach that the Muslim community must wage war against the unbelievers and subjugate them under its rule.”

“I would like to pray,” Barack said.

“I’m sure you would, but I, not you, am running this meeting.  I’m controlling your strings now, not ‘The Captains of the New World Order’.  And you will answer my questions and you will keep any other remarks or comments to yourself.

“You told the American public that you were supporting the democratic forces rising up in Arab countries and were seeing to it that those rebellious groups overthrew the democratically elected leaders that had been our allies for decades.  You knew, did you not, Mr. President, that the forces rising up were radicals, extremists, jihadists that had no intention of instituting a democracy?”

“I would not draw that conclusion,” Barack retorted.

“You, sir, have weakened the U.S., preparing it for the Jihadists.”

“You’re too late, Helen.  Maybe I will not be alive to see the day when Allah rules over America, but already, Islam is in every school, tens of thousands of Mosques and madrassas.  We have infiltrated politics on the local, state and federal level.  Americans think in shorter time frames.  Islam has waited for eleven hundred years.  We are prepared to wait for a hundred more.”

Hilary threw the pages in Obama’s face.

He flailed at the pages like the pansy he was.

“You and your sordid agenda will be stopped, then reversed,” Hilary assured.  “And you will never see your dream or your goals come to fruition because you under-estimated the will of the American people.  And I will personally see that you rot in hell.”





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