HOW TO BE HAPPY…..FOREVER

Yes, it can be done.  All that you have to do is follow a few simple rules.

  1. Never speak to people different than you in income.  If you speak to people richer than you, you’ll become jealous and whine.  If you speak to people poorer than you, it will remind you that you need to be charitable.  And those charities can suck the life blood out of you.  Sending pictures of starving, sick, bloated, Cholera-suffering, Malaria-ridden, AIDS infected babies.  Who needs to see that when you’re trying to enjoy the $100 bottle of wine, or watching Dancing with the Stars.
  2. Never speak to people who have different political views.  Rich people need to be Republican because Republicans in government tell them it’s good to be rich and that taxing the rich hurts the country (the old trickle down ruse).  Democrats talk about helping others and making sacrifices.
  3. Never watch any news but ABC, NBC, CBS and Fox News.  Most of their news is about cooking and interviewing celebrities.  You’ll never hear about disasters in other countries.
  4. Never read magazines or journals that talk about the plight of people around the world.  Jut because millions are starving to death in Yemen.  Dying of Cholera in Haiti, buried alive in earthquakes in China, flooded out of their homes in the Bahamas Indonesia, Puerto Rico.  Millions imprisoned in Myanmar.  Tens of thousands murdered in Africa: limbs chopped off, burned to death, raped.  Millions who flee their homes to live in squalled conditions in camps where the guards won’t give the donated food to the women unless they consent to sex.  Thousands held as political prisoners in Russia, China, Egypt, Turkey, beaten, starved.  These stories are depressing and have nothing to do with you.  After all, you didn’t do anything to cause that suffering.  Well, maybe.  The Republicans in Congress voted to provide military assistance to Saudi Arabia who then bombs the civilians in Yemen.  Republicans who support multinational corporations in Africa who then enslave the people, take all the natural resources of the country, pollute their land and water, then leave the people with no way to feed themselves.
  5. Find a church that does not speak about helping the poor, the indigent, the dispossessed.  Those people caused their own problems.  Go to a church that tells you it’s okay to be rich and to accumulate possessions while 50% of the world’s population live on $1.25 cents a day.
  6. Do not drive into poor section of the city you live in.  It’s depressing to see people living on the street, diving in dumpsters for discarded food, begging for donations when it’s below freezing outside.
  7. Seek out a guru who drives a Rolls Royce.  He will help you find justifications for living an opulent life style.
  8. Tell yourself you are benefiting the environment when you drive a $100,000 Tesla.  Sure, there are other electric cars out there that cost 1/3 as much, but then your neighbors are going to tell you to park you prius in the garage so you don’t lower property values.
  9. Do not open the mail from OXFAM, Doctors without Borders, Red Cross, ACLU, UNICEF, African Relief Fund, Nature Conservancy, Green Peace.  There are going to be pictures of people suffering and dying.  Who needs that when you’re trying to concentrate on making your next million (or billion)?
  10. Make sure to watch comedies or sit-coms on TV, or movies about romance or travel.  Have those channels preprogrammed into the remote on your 60” Flat Screen TV so that you don’t have to scroll through the stations and accidentally come across news or pictures from a Boko Haram slaughter in Nigeria.  Be careful about watching documentaries about how Monsanto, BP, United Carbide, BASF, DuPont are polluting the world, destroying lives and the environment while you buy their products without investing one minute in research to see if there is another, more environmentally friendly source for those products.  You will see people who suffer from birth defects, cancers, learning disabilities being interviewed.  Quickly change the channel to “Seinfeld.”
  11. You say to yourself the reason you were born at this time, born in America, with the best health care, education, safety, opportunity is because you obviously earned it.  And people who are starving and suffering in third-world countries deserve what they are getting.  Wrong.  It has nothing to do with you.  It was your ancestors who paid the price: going back hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of years.  You just happen to be lucky enough to be born in the right family.  Every one of them built a little bit of the pyramid you now stand on, while you brag, confident you did it all on your own.  While the 80% of the world that lives in poverty, squalor, in a war zone, in camps with no hope, is because they must have had relatives that left them in squalor.

We, there you have it.  Rules to live by.

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